"If I let you go, it is only for the time," Mr. Carruthers said as I signed my name. "I intend you to marry me—do you hear?" "Again I say, 'Qui vivre verra!'" I laughed and rose with the note in my hand. Qui vivre verra! Lord Robert looked almost ready to cry when I told him I was off in the afternoon. "I shall see you again," he said. "Lady Katherine is a relation of my aunt's husband, Lord Merrenden. I don't know her myself, though." I do not believe him. How can he see me again? Young men do talk a lot of nonsense! "I shall come over on Wednesday to see how you are getting on," Mr. Carruthers said. "Please do be in." I promised I would, and then I came up-stairs. And so it has come to an end, my life at Branches. I am going to start a new phase of existence, my first beginning as an adventuress! How completely all one's ideas can change in a few days! This day three weeks ago Mrs. Carruthers was alive. This day two weeks ago I found myself no longer a prospective heiress, and only three days ago I was contemplating calmly the possibility of marrying Mr. Carruthers; and now, for heaven, I would not marry any one! And so, for fresh woods and pastures new! Oh, I want to see the world, and lots of different human beings; I want to know what it is makes the clock go round—that great big clock of life. I want to dance and to sing and to laugh, and to live—and—and—yes, perhaps some day to kiss some one I love! Tryland Court Headington, Wednesday, November 9th. Wednesday, November 9th. Wednesday, Goodness gracious! I have been here four whole days, and I continually ask myself how I shall be able to stand it for the rest of the fortnight. Before I left Branches, I began to have a sinking at the heart. There were horribly touching farewells with housekeepers and people I have known since a child, and one hates to have that choky feeling, especially as just at the end of it, while tears were still in my eyes, Mr. Carruthers came out into the hall and saw them; so did Lord Robert! I blinked and blinked, but one would trickle down my nose. It was a horribly awkward moment.
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