"Let's try the back," said Ukridge. "We must get in. What right," he added[52] with pathos, "has a beastly mongrel belonging to a man I employ to keep me out of my own house? It's a little hard. Here am I, slaving to support Beale, and when I try to get into my house, his infernal dog barks at me. But we will try kindness first. Let me get to the keyhole. I will parley with the animal." [52] He put his mouth to the keyhole and roared the soothing words "Goo' dog!" through it. Instantly the door shook as some heavy object hurled itself against it. The barking rang through the house. "Kindness seems to be a drug in the market," said Garnet. "Do you see your way to trying a little force?" "I'll tell you what we'll do," said Ukridge, rising. "We'll go round and get in at the kitchen window." "And how long are we to stay there? Till the dog dies?" "I never saw such a man as you," pro[53]tested Ukridge. "You have a perfect mania for looking on the dark side. The dog won't guard the kitchen door. We shall manage to shut him up somewhere." [53] "Oh," said Garnet. "And now let's get in and have something to eat, for goodness' sake." The kitchen window proved to be insecurely latched. Ukridge flung it open and they climbed in. The dog, hearing the sound of voices, raced back along the passage and flung himself at the door. He then proceeded to scratch at the panels in the persevering way of one who feels that he is engaged upon a business at which he is a specialist. Inside the kitchen, Ukridge took command. "Never mind the dog," he said, "let it scratch." "I thought," said Garnet, "we were going to shut it up somewhere?"[54] [54] "Go out and shut it into the dining room, then. Personally, I mean to have some tea. Millie, you know how to light a fire. Garnet and I will be collecting cups and things. When that scoundrel Beale arrives, I shall tear him limb from limb. Deserting us like this! The man must be a thorough fraud. He told me he was an old soldier. If this was the sort of discipline they used to keep in his regiment, I don't wonder that the
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