"Well, what is it this time, Barry?" says I. "Have you doped out an explosive pretzel, or are you goin' to turn milliner and release some woman for war work?" "Oh, I say, Torchy!" he protests. "No44 chaffing, now. I'm in dead earnest, you know. Of course, being all shot to pieces physically, I can't go to the front, where I'd give my neck to be. Why, with this leaky heart valve of mine I couldn't even——" 44 "Yes, yes," I broke in. "We've been over all that. Not that I'd mind hearing it again, but just now I'm more or less busy." "Are you, though?" says Barry. "Isn't that perfectly ripping! Something important, I suppose?" "Might be if I could pull it off," says I, "but as it stands——" "That's it!" says Barry. "I was hoping I'd find you starting something new. That's why I came." "Eh?" says I. "I'm volunteering—under you," says he. "I'll be anything you say; top sergeant, corporal, or just plain private. Anything so I can help. See! I am yours to command, Lieutenant Torchy," and he does a Boy Scout salute. "Sorry," says I, "but I don't see how I could use you just now. The fact is, I can't even say what I'm working on." "Oh, perfectly bully!" says Barry. "You needn't tell me a word, or drop a hint. Just give me my orders, lieutenant, and let me carry on." Well, instead of shooin' him off I'd only got him stickin' tighter'n a wad of gum to a typewriter's45 wrist watch, and after trying to do some more heavy thinkin' with him watchin' admirin' from where I'd planted him in a corner, I gives it up. 45 "All right," says I. "Think you could stand another manicure today?" Barry glances at his polished nails doubtful but allows he could if it's in the line of duty. "It is," says I. "I'm goin' to sacrifice some of my red hair on the altar of human freedom. Come along." So, all unsuspectin' where he was goin', I leads him down into Otto's barber shop. And I must say, as a raid in force, it was more or less of a fizzle. The scissors artist who revises my pink-plus locks is a gray-haired old gink who'd never been nearer Berlin than First Avenue. Two of the
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