interested in sex. Too many other myriad problems are floating in his adorable, gelatin head. Surely earth women can relate to that. Surely, if the universe is expanding, then it's because of intrigue in high places. Because cosmic particles are hammering out new definitions. Anyone of a thousand theories. Star Wars can stuff it. We want "peaceful" contact and on our terms. Ask Orson Welles. Or H.G.Wells. Time machines are old hat and another invasion in Newark is too much to absorb. With NYC across the river, they've already got all the action they can handle. We like our extraterrestial life tailormade and preferably in our own image. We're prepared to accept them if they conform to stiff criteria. They have to be like us and prepared to cooperate. Seeing eye dogs help the blind, horses were good draft animals for centuries. We might even want to decorate it like the Hindoos do elephants; make it into a "religious" procession such as a Roman Triumph. It would be the same for outer space visitors. No mutants or Roving Intelligences allowed. Earth is "off limits" to marauding predators -- we'll fight at the suggestion they're here on "reconnoitering missions" as a prelude to Conquest or the Bermuda Triangle is one of their many "staging areas" or dress rehearsal sites. Earth for humankind carries more immediacy than "Canada for the Canadians". If they are "out there", they'd better behave. Hollywood's got it all figured out. There's no shortage or scenarios. Life support systems will be rushed wherever there is a sighting with artillery back-up. The Pentagon is in control. The Moonies have asked to be informed. Crackpots the world over await deliverance. The Earth has big plans for the visitation. Contact would displace Ihe Copernician revolution as "a first" in blockbuster events: edge out Columbus' hat trick, even erase Caesar's Gaelic campaigns. Such things are no longer "relatable". Every school kid can fathom "aliens" even if he can't decline a Latin noun or understand the causes of the Renaissance. Unveiling the first spaceship would cap the evolutionary quest for Enlightenment or realization of a greater Oneness. The universal thirst for knowledge would be satisfied. Still, our trek to the stars would turn in on itself if they got here first. Something like the Seminoles arriving in Paris in the 13th century overland from Nice or finding an orangutan piloted the Viking ship, Sutton Hoo, into Vineland. It's barely credible and has to be remade into "tangible" dialogue. No sapient, red puddles or Dryads need apply. Fuel up the Crematoria. Break out the electric cattle prods. They may be common as blades of grass in a meadow but it's our show. Orange Pekoe intellects will naturally be suspect. Benign intelligence better be the order of the day. 

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