“The scoundrels ought to be indicted for conspiracy,” said my friend.

“I’ll show them up, my boy,” I said. “I’ll send columns to the papers if they’ll only put them in.”

“Ah, do,” said my companion. “Now, you see, I bid for a thing or two.”

“You,” I said; “why, what for? Bachelor in lodgings?”

“Well—er—er—yes,” said Retort, stammering, “er—er at present, you know—at present.”

“Why, you don’t mean to say—” I burst out.

“Hush, my dear fellow! don’t speak so loud.”

“That you’ve proposed to Miss Visite?”

“Well—er—yes, my dear sir, I have,” simpered the great booby.

“Then I congratulate you,” I exclaimed. “Here, Nelly,” I said, running towards the door.

“No, no, no—don’t, don’t, there’s a good fellow,” cried Retort, dragging me back towards the table; “don’t call Mrs Scribe. Let me break it to her gently some other time. I’d rather do it myself.”

“Just as you like,” I said, good-humouredly; and then I toasted the future Mrs Retort’s most honoured name.

“Well,” continued Retort, drawing forth his catalogue, “I was telling you that I bid for a few lots, but those fellows run them up so, that I couldn’t get a thing.”

“Yes, it was too bad,” I muttered, fumbling in my pocket for my catalogue, to find that I had left it in the coat I had taken off.

“Here, Emily,” I said, when the maiden answered the bell, “fetch that catalogue out of my coat-pocket in the dressing-room. Don’t show it to any one else. Bring it straight here;” for I was rather alarmed lest Mrs Scribe should see the figures made beside the lots I had secured.

Emily soon returned, and then, with a somewhat darkened brow, I began to refer to the different items.

“What did you bid for, Tom?” I said to my friend, who was poring over the list, evidently deep in for furnishing. “But I never 

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