THE SERIOUS SIGNS FOR THE SERIOUS He has a taste that's superfine who flouts at every subway sign, He reckons not that some there be, who cannot tell, unless they see Spelled plain before them on the wall, what things their own they ought to call For instance, when I come to town, whom you may dub a country clown— How should I know what things to buy, if not a subway sign were nigh To show—the pills I ought to take my all-consuming thirst to slake;— The hair restorer that will soothe my infant son with his first tooth;— The ruddy catsup that is sure all family jars and ills to cure;— The dollar watch that daintily we'll serve, wound-up, for early tea;— The window-screens that will not hide our failings from the country-side;— What breakfast-food is our true friend, the dime cigars that I should send My wife to cure her racking cough. The hooks and eyes that won't come off Ah! hats, and soaps, and castor-oil, and cocoa that we need not boil;— And well-made suits and patent soup, and phonographs.—But what a dupe Of every city tradesman I, if all these vendibles I'd try To purchase by my native wit! Yet what the subway "best" has writ In flaming words, with weird device—that make I mine,—and pay the price. [39] [39] TRIMMING TRIMMING When your father, long ago, tried to train you—and you know He thought mornings meant for school, and not for swimming— How your heart beat loud in dread as relentlessly he said, "You'll remember—when you've had another trimming." When your daughter buys a hat, and you're wondering thereat, As before the glass she stands, its beauty hymning; Ah! the mischief in her eyes, as she pleads, "Show no surprise At the cost. One has to pay for pretty trimming." When the butcher brings your bill, and you stare at it until Your tongue with fervid words is fairly brimming, Then you hear him meekly say, as your anger you display, "It seems high, because there's so much waste in trimming." So when politicians try your votes to beg or buy With their sophistry—your common sense that's dimming— Just remember then the cost (and the waste, should all be lost), Of the smooth-tongued, wordy trimmer's pretty trimming. He thought mornings meant for school, and not for swimming— "You'll remember—when you've had another trimming." As before the glass she stands, its beauty hymning;
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