TO PRINCE EDWARD OF YORK 

 (On the Return of the "Ophir") 

 Most well-behaved little Prince,— As the small boy Who will one day be the Sovereign Lord Of certain other small boys In whom I am interested I hasten to assure you Of my loyalty to the Imperial House Of which you are the joy and hope, And of my respect for your own podgy little person. To-day, I need scarcely tell you, my dear little Prince, Is a very big day for you, Inasmuch as To-day your excellent parents— Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Cornwall and York, KG.— Return from their wanderings, Laden, I am given to understand, With presents for his Royal Highness Prince Edward of York, Who, I am given to understand, Has been a very good boy During these long weeks of separation. I am quite sure That you deserve these presents, And that your Grandmama Will be able to give your parents a very good account of you, And that your Grandpapa, With that tact which is only one of many of his excellent qualities, Will refrain from making reports Which might lead to parental chastisement, I remember quite well That when my own Mama and Papa Returned once from a little jaunt They brought back with them, As a present for me, A tin cylinder with a spike to it, Which you set on a piece of wood And spun round; Then you looked through some holes in the tin cylinder And beheld many wonderful things, Such as a little girl skipping, And jockeys riding a steeplechase on tigers. If your Papa, my dear little Prince, Has not brought you one of those, Be sure you ask for it. It is not rude to ask for what you do not see in the window, Providing you say "Please." And now before I go Let me add a few words Of kindly admonition. I hope you will grow up to be a good and great man, And that you will never give your parents Cause for sorrow, By turning Socialist, Or newspaper editor, Or attempting to imitate these Odes. To your infant mind This last crime May appear to be the most innocent in the world, Because these odes (God wot) Are so easy to imitate; Diplomats, Members of Parliament, publishers' assistants, Cabmen, poets, peers of the realm, Nay, even the very crowned heads of Europe, Have, at time and time, Been consumed with a desire to do them for me; Because, as I have said, It is so easy. Well, my dear little Prince, Let us draw our moral. The easy thing is not always the wisest thing. I feel that in my inmost heart. And if you blossom into manhood With the same conviction, More or less, I make no doubt whatever That you will be an immense success As a king. I wish you the best of luck. 

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