TO THE KING'S BULLDOG 

 TO THE DAILY MAIL (August 3, 1901.) 

 TO EVERYBODY 

 

 

   TO THE PRIVATE MEMBER 

 My dear Sir,— You may think it unkind of me To interrupt the peaceful calm of your holiday With a poem about business. But I assure you, my dear sir, That I do so with the very best intentions, And at the call of what I consider to be duty. Duty, as you know, is a tremendous abstraction, And brings a man into all sorts of difficult corners. It was duty that took you into Parliament: Similarly it is duty that constrains me to Odes. When a man sees another man and pities him, It is the duty of the first man to let the other man know about it Delicately. I pity you, my dear Mr. Private Member, From the bottom of a bottomless heart. Many a time and oft in the course of my rambles Through the lobbies and liquor bars of St. Stephens It has been my ineffable portion to run across you— Silk hat, frock coat, baggy trousers, patient stare, bored expression: Suddenly you smile And crook the pregnant hinges of the back of your neck. Mrs. Wiggle, the three Misses Wiggle, and little Master Wiggle, Wife, daughters, and son of Mr. Forthree Wiggle, Draper, and burgess of the good old Parliamentary Division Of Mudsher West, Are up from Mudsher West, And they want showin' round the 'Ouse, you know. Round you go. Again: you appear in the Strangers' Lobby, Spectacles on nose, somebody's card in hand. The policeman roars out name of leading constituent. Leading constituent departed in a huff twenty minutes ago, Because he thought you were not attending to him. There being no answer, Policeman roars out name of leading constituent once more. Name echoes along Lords' Lobby; But not being there, leading constituent fails to come forward. You look embarrassed, turn tail, retire to your back bench, And feel deucedly uncomfortable for the rest of the evening. You would like to get away to the theatre, But you dare not do it: There are Whips about. You would like to go home to bed; You must wait the good pleasure of the course of the debate. You would like to stand on your hind legs And address the House on large 

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