Carruthers—and now—for heaven—I would not marry any one! And so, for fresh woods and pastures new. Oh! I want to see the world, and lots of different human beings—I want to know what it is makes the clock go round—that great, big, clock of life—I want to dance, and to sing, and to laugh, and to live—and—and—yes—perhaps some day to kiss some one I love——! [64] [65] [65] Tryland Court, Headington, Tryland Court, Headington Wednesday, November 9th. Goodness gracious! I have been here four whole days, and I continually ask myself how I shall be able to stand it for the rest of the fortnight. Before I left Branches I began to have a sinking at the heart. There were horribly touching farewells with housekeepers and people I have known since a child, and one hates to have that choky feeling—especially as just at the end of it—while tears were still in my eyes, Mr. Carruthers came out into the hall, and saw them—so did Lord Robert! Goodness I blinked, and blinked, but one would trickle down my nose. It was a horribly awkward moment. Mr. Carruthers made profuse inquiries as to my comforts for the drive, in a tone colder than ever, and insisted upon my drinking some cherry brandy. Such fussing is quite unlike his usual manner, so I suppose he too felt it was a tiresome quart d’heure. Lord Robert did[66] not hide his concern, he came up to me and took my hand while Christopher was speaking to the footman who was going with me. [66] “You are a dear,” he said, “and a brick, and don’t you forget I shall come and stay with Lady Katherine before you leave, so you won’t feel you are all among strangers.” I thanked him, and he squeezed my hand so kindly—I do like Lord Robert. Very soon I was gay again, and insouciante, and the last they saw of me was smiling out of the brougham window as I drove off in the dusk. They both stood upon the steps and waved to me. Tea was over at Tryland when I arrived, such a long, damp drive! And I explained to Lady Katherine how sorry I was to have had to come so late, and that I could not think of troubling
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