green as pale emeralds, and long, and not going down at the corners with the Madonna expression of Cicely Parker, the Vicar’s daughter. I do not know yet what is being good, or being bad, perhaps I shall find out when I am an adventuress, or married to Mr. Carruthers. [13] [13] All I know is that I want to live, and feel the blood rushing through my veins. I want to do as I please, and not have to be polite when I am burning with rage. I want to be late in the morning if I happen to fancy sleeping, and I want to sit up at night if I don’t want to go to bed! So, as you can do what you like when you are married, I really hope Mr. Carruthers will take a fancy to me, and then all will be well! I shall stay upstairs until I hear the carriage-wheels, and leave Mr. Barton—the lawyer—to receive him. Then I shall saunter down nonchalantly while they are in the hall. It will be an effective entrance. My trailing black garments, and the great broad stairs—this is a splendid house—and if he has an eye in his head he must see my foot on each step! Even Mrs. Carruthers said I have the best foot she had ever seen. I am getting quite excited. I shall ring for Véronique and begin to dress!... I shall write more presently. [14] [14] Thursday evening. It is evening, and the fire is burning brightly in my sitting-room where I am writing. My sitting-room!—did I say? Mr. Carruthers’ sitting-room I meant—for it is mine no longer, and on Saturday, the day after to-morrow, I shall have to bid good-bye to it forever. It For yes—I may as well say it at once—the affair did not walk. Mr. Carruthers quietly, but firmly, refused to obey his aunt’s will, and thus I am left an old maid! I must go back to this afternoon to make it clear, and I must say my ears tingle as I think of it. I rang for Véronique, and put on my new black afternoon frock, which had just been unpacked. I tucked in the violets in a careless way. Saw that my hair was curling as vigorously as usual, and not too rebelliously for a demure appearance, and so, at exactly the right moment, began to descend the stairs.
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