He was one of those individuals who never feel any confidence in their own merit, who estimate every one in some respect above themselves, and are continually mistrusting the influence which they really possess over their friends. Had he been properly aware of his own worth, his knowledge of Emma Watson's character would effectually have preserved her from the imputation he now mentally cast on her, of preferring the young lord to himself. Had phrenology then been in fashion, it is possible that the origin of this weakness would have been discovered in the absence of the bump of self-esteem; but this not being the case, and in consequence, his head never having been phrenologically examined, I cannot answer for more than the entire absence of the quality, and Mr. Howard cannot be brought forward in evidence of any phrenological theory whatever.

He felt now that he must withdraw his attentions and give up his dearest plans, to allow a fair field to Lord Osborne's attempts—though, in doing so, he might lose her entirely. He had, for a moment, entertained the idea of explaining his wishes to his rival and asserting an equal right to compete for her hand. But he could not bring himself to confess his own attachment to a young man like his pupil; he could not depend on the secret being preserved, and he shrunk from profaning his love by making it the possible joke of Tom Musgrove and his associates. No, he would withdraw from the competition—he would not be the means of depriving her of wealth and rank—if she valued them—and if not—if, as was possible, his lordship should be refused, then, with hope and joy, he would return to try his fate in the same adventure.

For this end it was, in part, that he determined to obtain a holiday; he had long begun to feel that he ought to go for another reason, but Emma Watson's attractions had kept him stationary. The other reason arose from the sentiments which the dowager Lady Osborne began to make very apparent to him. His modesty had long resisted the idea and denied the fact, when, as often happened, he was charged by young men of his acquaintance with designs upon the well-jointured widow.

But even his modest estimation of himself was forced to yield before the conviction which her looks, her manners, and her language conveyed to his mind.

Most unwelcome this conviction certainly was, as it could end, he thought, in nothing but a positive rupture between his family and the Osbornes; and unless he had the power of obtaining another home, it would certainly render them exceedingly uncomfortable. He knew the dowager to be of a 

 Prev. P 55/162 next