forth.” Ukridge’s collar leaped off its stud and his pince-nez wobbled drunkenly as he turned to us. “How much money can you blokes raise?” he demanded. “What do you want it for?” asked Robert Dunhill, with a banker’s caution. “My dear old horse, can’t you see? Why, my gosh, I’ve got the idea of the century. Upon my Sam, this is the giltest-edged scheme that was ever hatched. We’ll get together enough money and take out a year’s subscription for every one of these dashed papers.” “What’s the good of that?” said Dunhill, coldly unenthusiastic. They train bank clerks to stifle emotion, so that they will be able to refuse overdrafts when they become managers. “The odds are we should none of us have an accident of any kind, and then the money would be chucked away.” “Good heavens, ass,” snorted Ukridge, “you don’t suppose I’m suggesting that we should leave it to chance, do you? Listen! Here’s the scheme. We take out subscriptions for all these papers, then we draw lots, and the fellow who gets the fatal card or whatever it is goes out and breaks his leg and draws the loot, and we split it up between us and live on it in luxury. It ought to run into hundreds of pounds.” A long silence followed. Then Dunhill spoke again. His was a solid rather than a nimble mind. “Suppose he couldn’t break his leg?” “My gosh!” cried Ukridge, exasperated. “Here we are in the twentieth century, with every resource of modern civilisation at our disposal, with opportunities for getting our legs broken opening about us on every side—and you ask a silly question like that! Of course he could break his leg. Any ass can break a leg. It’s a little hard! We’re all infernally broke—personally, unless Freddie can lend me a bit of that fiver till Saturday, I’m going to have a difficult job pulling through. We all need money like the dickens, and yet, when I point out this marvellous scheme for collecting a bit, instead of fawning on me for my ready intelligence you sit and make objections. It isn’t the right spirit. It isn’t the spirit that wins.” “If you’re as hard up as that,” objected Dunhill, “how are you going to put in your share of the pool?” A pained, almost a stunned, look came into Ukridge’s eyes. He gazed at Dunhill through his
Prev.
Back
Top