Dangerous Dilemmas: Startling but True
whom become purchasers, not only of the bird, but machines for hatching chickens, feeding them, pulling off their feathers, roasting them, and many other wonderful contrivances! The only thing wanted to make these shops perfect is a market for wives and an assortment of coffins. The ingenious plan of keeping the canary in full tune so long as considered desirable is simple. It consists of a flexible tube attached to the bird, at the end of which is a whistle. This is put into a basin of water and blown through. It is not a horse this time, but a mechanical bird, that brings grist to the mill.

I will now proceed to show you how much money was made by advertising a Christmas wine-hamper. The wine trade has always been popular with men who could not succeed in any other profession or business. Everyone fancies he can drive a mail-phaeton, edit a paper, and is a judge of wine, the belief being that there is nothing wonderful to learn. If he has a connection of friends and acquaintances in London, especially at the West-End, so much the better. The method usually adopted to ensure success is to give recherche dinners, and mention incidentally the quality and price of each wine as it is produced on the table.

[Pg 12]

[Pg 12]

He can say, "Yes," as if in an answer to some one, "it is a first class Amontillado! Only a few dozen left! Cheap at 60s.!" Again, "I hope you like that Chateau Margaux! A rare vintage! There is not much better in Her Majesty's cellar! Increases in value every year! Did you ask had I any to spare? Not quite sure. It is giving it away at 100s.! "If this delicate way of putting it does not attain the desired end, a conversation about the various vintages and the recent ravages amongst wines can be started; and, on seeing your friends off, you can say, "You had better let me send you the remainder of that sherry—just a small parcel of six dozen!" Then, again, you can observe, "If you really are so pleased with that claret, I will see what there is left, and will try to oblige you!" These and similar remarks generally prove more or loss effectual.

When the "Man in the City" found his balance at his bankers rather low, and a confidential note from the manager having been received apprising him of the fact, he looked round for some method of making both ends meet. After leaving the army he had taken to the wine business, and had hitherto done no good. He had plenty of wine in his cellar, but no demand for it; and being rather young in the trade, he had been made a victim. All his stock was of an inferior quality, and his friends declined 
 Prev. P 10/124 next 
Back Top
Privacy Statement Terms of Service Contact