Josiah Allen's Wife as a P. A. and P. I.: Samantha at the Centennial.Designed As a Bright and Shining Light, to Pierce the Fogs of Error and Injustice That Surround Society and Josiah, and to Bring More Clearly to View the Path That Leads Straight on to Virtue and Happiness.
It was enough to make a dog snicker and laugh (if he hadn’t deep principle to hold him back, as I had,) to see ’em go on. The President Cornelius Cork, and Solomon Cypher talked the most. They are both eloquent and almost finished speakers; but Solomon Cypher havin’ had better advantages than the President, of course goes ahead of him as an oriter. A nephew of hisen, P. Cypher Bumpus, old Philander Bumpus’es only boy, (named after his father, and uncle Cypher,) has been there to his uncle’s givin’ him lessons all winter, in elocution and dramatic effects. Solomon has give him his board for tutorin’ him.

I s’pose P. Cypher Bumpus can’t be beat on elocution; he’s studied hard, and took lessons of some big elocutionists, and they say he can holler up as loud, and look as wild as the biggest of ’em, and dwindle 38his voice down as low, and make as curious motions as the curiousest of ’em. Besides, he has took up lots in his own head. He is very smart, naturally, and has stood by his uncle Solomon all winter, like a Major. And considerin’ Solomon’s age, and his natural mind—which haint none of the best—and his lameness, I never see a man make such headway as Solomon Cypher has. He can make eloquent and impressive gestures, very.

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Cornelius Cork, the President, they say has been a tryin to learn himself; has tried to take gestures and motions up in his own head; but bein’ a poor man and not bein’ able to hire a teacher, of course he don’t make much headway; don’t git along nigh so well. He haint got but one gesture broke in so he can handle it to any advantage, and that is: pointin’ his forefinger at the audience, with the rest of his hand shet up; dartin’ it out sometimes, as if it was a bayonet he was goin’ to run through their hearts; and sometimes holdin’ it back, and takin’ a more distant and deliberate aim with it, as if it was a popgun he kep’ by him to shoot down congregations with. That is all he has got at present; but truly, he does the best he can, with what he has to do with. It don’t scare the audience so much I s’pose as he thinks it ort to, and he probable gits discouraged; but he ort to consider that he can’t show off much in gestures, while Solomon Cypher is livin’. A kerosine lamp 39can’t show off to any advantage when the sun gits up. But the President done well as I said, with what he had to do with. He pinted that forefinger almost threatningly in every direction, from Zenith to Nathan, as he went on to say: he hadn’t no personal objections to Josiah Allen’s wife, “fur frummit.”

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