at Bath or Cheltenham.’ And here have I come home all alone, and you and I have to struggle along on a hundred and thirty pounds a year—and—and my diamond ornaments.” [31] I recollect that the poignant contrast between past and present so utterly overwhelmed poor Emma, that she could not [32]restrain her tears, and suddenly rising from her seat, and signing to me to accompany her, she departed with unusual precipitancy. [32] [33] [33] CHAPTER III. A QUESTION OF TASTE. It was indeed a most lamentable truth that I was not as accomplished as most of the girls of my age. I could not paint or play the violin, I had no knowledge of the German language, I was ignorant of the agile art of skirt-dancing, and could not ride a horse—much less a bicycle. However, Emma found consolation in the fact that I “walked well, and carried myself with grace!” It “This was satisfactory,” I assured her with a laugh, “as I was never likely to have anything to carry me! As to walking, I was bound to be a foot-passenger all my days.” [34] [34] I spoke French fluently, played the piano and guitar, was an excellent needle-woman; but these would scarcely justify me in seeking a place above that of a cheap governess or waiting-maid. The struggle for existence was now so fierce, the half-million surplus women were such keen competitors for bread, that life was nothing more nor less than one long hardly contested battle. I had grasped this fact, young as I was. I was a good accountant (whilst Emma could not do the simplest little sum in addition); and, as purse-bearer, many a weary half-hour I sat up at night, working out our little budget, and striving to make both ends meet. Yes, I was ostensibly the purse-bearer, and, if left a free hand, I could manage to balance our income; but I was not independent. Emma was subject to wild lavish outbursts of her old Indian gen[35]erosity; she would overwhelm me with unexpected gifts—expensive gifts. I never knew when one of these awful surprises was in store for me—and also the accompanying bill.
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