and it was all there is. Uncle Mil was the only green spot in the desert. When he gathered the gourd up under his chin and allowed the bow to tiptoe over the bridge you could hear the nightingale calling to its mate. I wanted to get up a petition asking Uncle Mil to play all the evening and make us all happy, but Will Bruce wouldn't let me. Will said he wasn't feeling very well and he wanted to hear the rest of the program and feel worse.He got his wish. The next thing we had was Sybil, the Illusionist. Sybil did a lot of mouldy tricks with cards and every few minutes she fell down and sprained her sleight of hand. Sybil was a polish for sure. Then Swift McGee, the Boy Monologuist, flung himself in the breach and told a bunch of Bixbys. It was a cruel occasion. Swift had an idea that when it came to cracking merry booboos he could pull Lew Dockstader off the horse and leave him under the fence. As a monologuist Swift thought he had George Fuller Golden half way across the bay, and Fred Niblo was screaming for help. Swift often told himself that he could give Marshall P. Wilder six sure-fires and beat him down to the wire. Swift is one of those low-foreheads who "write their own stuff" and say "I done it!" After Swift had talked the audience into a chill, he pushed on and left us with a stone bruise on our memories. Then we had Rufus Nelson, the parlor prestidigitator. Rufus was a bad boy. He cooked an omelet in a silk hat and when he gave the hat back to Ed. Walker the poached eggs fell out and cuddled up in Ed's hair. Rufus apologized and said he'd do the trick over again if someone else would lend him a hat, but there was nothing doing. When the contralto crawled under the ropes and began to tell us that the bells in the village rang ding-ding-dong I was busy watching a Goo-goo Bird. Did you ever spot one of those Glance-Givers? This chap's name was Llewellyn Joyce, and he considered himself a perfect hellyon. He thought all he had to do was to roll his lamps at a lassie and she was off the slate. Llewellyn loved to sit around at the musicale and burn the belle of the ball, with his goo-goo eyes. Llewellyn needed a swift slap--that's what he needed. Next we had the Nonpariel Quartette, and they were the boys that could eat up the close harmony! They sang "Love, I am Lonely!" from start to finish without stopping to call the waiter. Then we had Clarissa Coldslaw in select recitations. She was all the money. Clarissa grabbed "Hamlet's Soliloquy" between her pearly teeth and shook it to death. She got a half-Nelson on Poe's "Raven" and put it out of the business. Then she gave an imitation of the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. If Juliet talked like that dame did, no wonder she took poison. But when she let down her hair and started in to 

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