were suggested by the lady to whom it was sent, so far as I know. Sometimes people criticize the poems one sends them, and suggest all sorts of improvements. Who was that silly body that wanted Burns to alter “Scots wha hae,” so as to lengthen the last line, thus CONTENTS “Edward!” Chains and slavery! Here is a little poem I sent a short time since to a committee for a certain celebration. I understood that it was to be a festive and convivial occasion, and ordered myself accordingly. It seems the president of the day was what is called a “teetotaller.” I received a note from him in the following words, containing the copy subjoined, with the emendations annexed to it. “Dear Sir,—your poem gives good satisfaction to the committee. The sentiments expressed with reference to liquor are not, however, those generally entertained by this community. I have therefore consulted the clergyman of this place, who has made come slight changes, which he thinks will remove all objections, and keep the valuable portions of the poem. Please to inform me of your charge for said poem. Our means are limited, etc., etc., etc. Yours with respect.” CONTENTS HERE IT IS—WITH THE SLIGHT ALTERATIONS! Come! fill a fresh bumper,—for why should we go While the [nectar → logwood] still reddens our cups as they flow? Pour out the [rich juices → decoction] still bright with the sun, Till o’er the brimmed crystal the [rubies → dye-stuff] shall run. The [purple glebed clusters → half-ripened apples] their life-dews have bled; How sweet is the [breath → taste] of the [fragrance they shed → sugar of lead]! For summer’s [last roses → rank poisons] lie hid in the [wines → wines!!!] That were garnered by [maidens who laughed through the vines. → stable-boys smoking long-nines.] Then a [smile → scowl], and a [glass → howl], and a [toast → scoff], and a [cheer → sneer], For all [the good wine, and we’ve some of it here → strychnine and whiskey, and ratsbane and beer] In cellar, in pantry, in attic, in hall, [Long live the gay servant that laughs for us all! → Down, down, with the tyrant that masters us all!] The company said I had been shabbily treated, and advised me to charge the committee double,—which I did. But as I never got my pay, I don’t know that it made much difference. I am a very
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