that will be when I can give her my name. But oh! Zoe, I want you now, so badly, oh! so badly! 

 I saw her once to-day in the gardens, walking by herself. 

 I have told Max's secretary that I want to get to sea; to be here in Bruges and not to see her is more than I can bear. 

 I sail at dawn to-morrow. Shall I see her? No, it is best not. 

 A frightful noise over the New Year celebrations to-night. Champagne flowing like water in the Mess. I feel the year 1917 opens badly for me. 

 Weissman also went to sea again for a short trip in the Channel, and has not reported for five days. Perhaps he has despised the Dover Barrage once too often. If this is so, it is a great loss to the service: he was a man of iron resolution in underwater attack. 

 I feel I ought to despise Zoe, but I can't. I love her too much; after all, am I not perhaps encasing myself in the robe of a Pharisee? 

 She offered me all she had, save only the one thing I asked, without which I will take nothing. I cannot reconcile her behaviour with her character; why can't she trust me? why can't she be frank with me? I will not believe she is that sort. 

 I feel I cannot go out again without a sign--I may not return, and I will not leave her, perhaps for ever, with this bitterness between us. 

 At sea in U.C.47 again. Alten as surly as ever. 

 I decided finally to write to Zoe, but found it difficult to know what to say. Eventually I said more than I had intended. I told her frankly that I experienced a shock, but that I had not meant to seem so cold, and that what I had done had been done for both our sakes. I told her that I still loved her, and I implored her once more to leave the Colonel and come to me as my wife. 

 Already I long to know what message awaits me on my return. 

 This will not be for three days. We left at dawn this morning to lay mines off the channel to Harwich harbour; a nest from which submarines, cruisers and destroyers buzz in and out like wasps. It will be ticklish work. 

 

 

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