no
naytionality now livin' in this counthry that're nathral bor-rn
servants,' I says. 'If ye want to save throuble,' I says, 'ye'll import
ye'er help. They'se a race iv people livin' in Cinthral Africa that'd be
jus' r-right. They niver sleep, tkey can carry twice their weight on
their backs, they have no frinds, they wear no clothes, they can't read,
they can't dance an' they don't dhrink. Th' fact is they're thoroughly
oneddycated. If ye cud tache thim to cook an' take care iv childher
they'd be th' best servants,' says I. 'An' what d'ye call thim"?' says
he. 'I f'rget,' says I. An' he wint away mad."

   "Sure an' he's a nice man to be talkin' iv servants," said Mr. Hennessy.
"He was a gintleman's man in th' ol' counthry an' I used to know his
wife whin she wurruked f'r ——"

   "S-sh," said Mr. Dooley. "They're beyond that now. Besides they speak
fr'm experyence. An' mebbe that's th' throuble. We're always harder with
our own kind thin with others. 'Tis I that'd be th' fine cinsor iv a
bartinder's wurruk. Th' more ye ought to be a servant ye'ersilf th' more
difficult'tis f'r ye to get along with servants. I can holler to anny
man fr'm th' top iv a buildin' an' make him tur-rn r-round, but if I
come down to th' sthreet where he can see I aint anny bigger thin he is,
an' holler at him, 'tis twinty to wan if he tur-rns r-round he'll hit me
in th' eye. We have a servant girl problem because, Hinnissy, it isn't
manny years since we first begun to have servant girls. But I hope
Congress'll take it up. A smart Congress like th' wan we have now ought
to be able to spare a little time fr'm its preparation iv new Jims iv
speech f'r th' third reader an' rig up a bill that'd make keepin' house
a recreation while so softenin' th' spirit iv th' haughty sign iv a
noble race in th' kitchen that cookin' buckwheat cakes on a hot day with
th' aid iv a bottle iv smokeless powdher'd not cause her f'r to sind a
worthy man to his office in slippers an' without a hat."

   "Ah," said Mr. Hennessy, the simple democrat. "It wud be all r-right if
women'd do their own cookin'."

   "Well," said Mr. Dooley. "'Twud be a return to Jacksonyan simplicity,
an' 'twud be a gr-reat thing f'r th' resthrant business."

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