turn back,' he says.

   "Well, sir, 'twas up to Kruger an' he knocked th' ashes out iv his pipe
on his vest an' says he, 'Gintlemen,' he says, 'I wud like to do me best
to accomydate ye,' he says. 'Nawthin' short iv a severe attack iv
sickness wud plaze me so much as to see long lines iv Englishmen
marchin' up to th' polls an' depositin' their ballots again' me f'r
prisidint,' he says. 'But,' he says, 'I'm an old man!' he says. 'I was
ilicted young an' I niver done annything since,' he says. 'I wudden't
know what to do without it,' he says. 'What ye propose is to make an ex-
prisidint iv me. D'ye think I cud stand that? D'ye think at my age I wud
be contint to dash fr'm wan justice coort to another pleadin' f'r
habyas-corpus writs or test me principles iv personal expansion in a Noo
Jarsey village?' he says. 'I'd rather be a dead prisidint thin a live
ex-prisidint. If I have anny pollytical ambition I'd rather be a Grant
or a Garfield thin a Cleveland or a Harrison,' he says. 'I may've read
it in th' Bible, though I think I saw it in a scand'lous book me frind
Rhodes left in his bedroom las' time he called on me, that ye shud niver
discard an ace to dhraw to a flush,' he says. 'I deplore th' language
but th' sintimint is sound,' he says. 'An' I believe ye'er intintions to
presarve peace ar-re honest, but I don't like to see ye pullin' off
ye'er coat an' here goes f'r throuble while ye have ye'er arms in th'
sleeves,' he says. 'F'r,' he says, 'ye have put ye'er hand in th' reaper
an' it cannot turn back,' he says.

   "An' there they go, Hinnissy. I'm not again England in this thing,
Hinnissy, an' I'm not again th' Boers. Like Mack I'm divided on a
matther iv principle between a desire to cemint th' 'lieance an' an
affiction f'r th' Dutch vote. But if Kruger had spint his life in a rale
raypublic where they burn gas he cud've settled th' business without
losin' sleep. If I was Kruger there'd've been no war."

   "What wud ye have done?" Mr. Hennessy asked.

   "I'd give thim th' votes," said Mr. Dooley. "But," he added
significantly, "I'd do th' countin'."

   "I tell ye, Hinnissy," said Mr. Dooley, "Ye can't do th' English-
speakin' people. Oursilves an' th' hands acrost th' sea ar-re rapidly

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