th' childher play base-ball with a can iv dinnymite. 'Tis as sthrong as
Gin'ral Crownjoy's camp th' day iv th' surrinder an' almost as sthrong
as th' pollytics iv Montana. Th' men that handles it is cased in six
inch armor an' played on be a hose iv ice wather. Th' gun that shoots it
is always blown up be th' discharge. Whin this deadly missile flies
through th' air, th' threes ar-re withered an' th' little bur-rds falls
dead fr'm th' sky, fishes is kilt in th' rivers, an' th' tillyphone
wires won't wurruk. Th' keen eyed British gunners an' corryspondints
watches it in its hellish course an' tur-rn their faces as it falls into
th' Boer trench. An' oh! th' sickly green fumes it gives off, jus' like
pizen f'r potato bugs! There is a thremenjous explosion. Th' earth is
thrown up f'r miles. Horses, men an' gun carredges ar-re landed in th'
British camp whole. Th' sun is obscured be Boer whiskers turned green.
Th' heart iv th' corryspondint is made sick be th' sight, an' be th'
thought iv th' fearful carnage wrought be this dhread desthroyer in th'
ranks iv th' brave but misguided Dutchmen. Th' nex' day deserters fr'm
th' Boer ranks reports that they have fled fr'm th' camp, needin' a
dhrink an' onable to stand th' scenes iv horror. They announce that th'
whole Boer ar-rmy is as green as wall paper, an' th' Irish brigade has
sthruck because ye can't tell their flag fr'm th' flag iv th' r-rest iv
th' Dutch. Th' Fr-rinch gin'ral in command iv th' Swedish corps lost his
complexion an' has been sint to th' hospital, an' Mrs. Gin'ral
Crownjoy's washin' that was hangin' on th' line whin th' bombardmint
comminced is a total wreck which no amount iv bluin' will save. Th'
deserters also report that manny iv th' Boers ar-re outspannin',
trekkin', loogerin', kopjein' an' veldtin' home to be dyed, f'r'tis not
known whether lyddite is a fast color or will come out in th' wash."

   "In spite iv their heavy losses th' Boers kept up a fierce fire. They
had no lyddite, but with their other divvlish modhern explosives they
wrought thremenjous damage. F'r some hours shells burst with turr'ble
precision in th' British camp. Wan man who was good at figures counted
as manny as forty-two thousan' eight hundhred an' sivin burstin' within
a radyus iv wan fut. Ye can imagine th' hor-rible carnage. Colonel C. G.
F. K. L. M. N. O. P. Hetherington-Casey-Higgins lost his eye-glass tin
times, th' las' time almost swallowin' it, while ye'er faithful
corryspondint was rindered deaf be th' explosions. Another Irish
rig'mint has disappearded, th' Twelve Thousandth an' Eighth, Dublin
Fusiliers. Brave fellows, 'tis suspicted they mistook th' explosion of

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