Mr. Dooley's Philosophy
here f'r that Cup again an' we'll bate him be gettin' out an overnight
injunction. What's th' use iv buildin' a boat that's lible to tip an'
spill us all into th' wet? Turn th' matther over to th' firm iv Wiggins,
Schultz, O'Mally, Eckstein, Wopoppski, Billotti, Gomez, Olson, an'
McPherson, an' lave us have th' law on him."

   "I don't suppose, Hinnissy, I ought to be gettin' off me little jokes on
a seeryous matther like this. What's it all about, says ye? Well, ye
see, 'tis this way. Wanst befure th' war some la-ad fr'm this counthry
took a boat acrost th' Atlantic an' run it again an English boat an' iv
coorse, he won, not bein' tied to th' dock, an' they give him a Cup. I
don't know why they give him a cup, but they give him a cup. He brought
it back here an' handed it to a yacht club, which is an assocyation,
Hinnissy, iv mimbers iv th' Bar. He says: 'Ye keep that cup on ye'er
mantle-piece an' if e'er an Englishman wants it, don't ye give it to
him.' Afther awhile, an Englishman that ownded a boat come afther th'
cup, an 'twas lave go altogether, an' th' las' man to th' line knows
what he is. He's an Englishman, iv coorse. That was all r-right too. But
th' time come whin th' lagal pro-fission took a hand in th' game. 'Look
here,' says they. 'Ye've vilated nearly all th' statues iv th' State iv
Noo Jarsey already,' they says, 'an' if ye ain't careful, ye'll be
hauled up f'r contimpt iv coort,' they says. So they took th' matther in
hand an' dhrew up th' r-right pa-apers. 'State iv Noo York, county iv
Cook, s. s. Know all men be these prisints. To all magisthrates an'
polis officers, greetin.' In re Sir Lipton again th' Cup. Ordhered that
if Sir Lipton shall secure said Cup fr'm aforesaid (which he won't) he
must build a boat as follows: Wan hundherd an' twinty chest, fifty-four
waist, hip an' side pockets, carryin' three hundherd an' sixty-three
thousan' cubic feet iv canvas; th' basement iv th' boat to be papered in
green with yellow flowered dado, open plumbin', steam heat throughout,
th' tinant to pay f'r all repairs. Be means iv this infernal machine, if
enable to kill off th' rile fam'ly, he will attimpt to cross th' stormy
Atlantic, an' if successful, will arrive at th' risidince iv th' party
of th' first part, said John Doe. Wanst there, he will consult with
mimbers iv th' Noo York Bar Association, who will lead him to a firm iv
competent expert accountants, who will give him his time, which is two
minyits measured be th' invarse ratio iv th' distance fr'm th' binnacle
to th' cook-stove, an' fr'm th' cook-stove, east be north to th'
bowspirit. He will thin take his foolish boat down th' bay, an' 
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