How to play a cinch (Hoyle). "Put both feet on the encircled object. Rosin the hands, take a long breath and

    Pull

   ."

   One Sunday, when the new administration had induced a general thirst, a lion and a boar came at the same moment to a corner spring to drink.

   "Have one with me," said the lion. "No, sir; this is on me," said the boar. From words they came to blows, and while they were in the press of combat the clock struck one A.M. and they had to go home cold-sober and disgusted.

   Reform is just the thing for angels.

   One day a tiger, who had grown remorseful over his murderous career, resolved to turn over a new leaf and live on terms of friendly interest with the other animals of the forest.

   He started out on a campaign of pacification. The first animal he met was the deer, whom he addressed in the most courteous and beautiful of language, assuring him of his undying affection.

   "Bunco!" yelled the deer, as he skipped away from there at the rate of ten seconds in even time.

   It is useless to attempt to gain the good-will of suspicious characters.

   An old man and his little boy were once driving an ass to the market-place. "What's the matter with one of you riding?" said a passer-by. So the man put his boy on the ass and they went on. The next person they met said it was a shame to see a boy ride while an old man walked. The man lifted the boy off and got on himself. This also excited adverse comment, and the man took the boy up behind him. The next critic was a member of the S.P.C.A., and he upbraided them both roundly, saying that they would better carry the ass than he them. Thereupon they tied the ass's legs to a long pole and carried him between them. While crossing the bridge, into the town, the man stumbled and the ass fell into the water and was drowned. They promptly sued the city for damages, and compromised on $263, more than eight times the value of the ass.

   Hard luck cannot touch smooth people.

   A man who had traveled over many countries was shipwrecked off the coast of Opera land. After a desperate battle with the waves he managed to near the shore where the cruel waves played with him like a cat with a mouse. He would pull himself up the beach, half fainting, and a great, dancing, 

 Prev. P 7/9 next