Idle Ideas in 1905
had not even read all Captain Marryat. There were tales by Sir
Walter Scott and "Jack Harkaway's Schooldays!"  I felt I could wait a
while. There was a chap called Aristophanes who had written
comedies, satirising the political institutions of a country that had
disappeared two thousand years ago. I say, without shame, Drury Lane
pantomime and Barnum's Circus called to me more strongly.

   Wishing to give the old gentleman a chance, I dipped into
translations. Some of these old fellows were not as bad as I had
imagined them. A party named Homer had written some really
interesting stuff. Here and there, maybe, he was a bit long-winded,
but, taking him as a whole, there was "go" in him. There was another
of them—Ovid was his name. He could tell a story, Ovid could. He
had imagination. He was almost as good as "Robinson Crusoe."  I
thought it would please my professor, telling him that I was reading
these, his favourite authors.

   "Reading them!" he cried, "but you don't know Greek or Latin."

   "But I know English," I answered; "they have all been translated into

   English. You never told me that!"

   It appeared it was not the same thing. There were subtle delicacies
of diction bound to escape even the best translator. These subtle
delicacies of diction I could enjoy only by devoting the next seven
or eight years of my life to the study of Greek and Latin. It will
grieve the University professor to hear it, but the enjoyment of
those subtle delicacies of diction did not appear to me—I was only
fourteen at the time, please remember—to be worth the time and
trouble.

   The boy is materially inclined—the mourning American professor has
discovered it. I did not want to be an idealist living up a back
street. I wanted to live in the biggest house in the best street of
the town. I wanted to ride a horse, wear a fur coat, and have as
much to eat and drink as ever I liked. I wanted to marry the most
beautiful woman in the world, to have my name in the newspaper, and
to know that everybody was envying me.


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