answered by a new maid. The girl looked at him inquiringly:

   "Um—ah—is Professor Johnson at home?" he asked, naming himself.

   "No, sir," the maid replied, "but he is expected any moment now."

   The professor turned away, the girl closed the door. Then the poor man sat down on the steps to wait for himself.

   *    *    *

   The clergyman, absorbed in thinking out a sermon, rounded a turn in the path and bumped into a cow. He swept off his hat with a flourish, exclaiming:

   "I beg your pardon, madam."

   Then he observed his error, and was greatly chagrined. Soon, however, again engaged with thoughts of the sermon, he collided with a lady at another bend of the path.

   "Get out of the way, you brute!" he said.

   *    *    *

   The most absent-minded of clergymen was a Methodist minister who served several churches each Sunday, riding from one to another on horseback. One Sunday morning he went to the stable while still meditating on his sermon and attempted to saddle the horse. After a long period of toil, he aroused to the fact that he had put the saddle on himself, and had spent a full half hour in vain efforts to climb on his own back.

   The Scotchman who ran a livery was asked by a tourist as to how many the carryall would hold.

   "Fower generally," was the answer. "Likely sax, if they're weel aquaint."

   The tragedian had just signed a contract to tour South Africa. He told a friend of it at the club. The friend shook his head dismally.

   "The ostrich," he explained in a pitying tone, "lays an egg weighing anywhere from two to four pounds."

   The editor of the local paper was unable to secure advertising from one of the business men of the town, who asserted stoutly that he himself never read ads., and didn't believe anyone else did.

   "Will you advertise if I can convince you that folks read the ads.?" the editor asked.

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