The new soda clerk was a mystery, until he himself revealed his shameful past quite unconsciously by the question he put to the girl who had just asked for an egg-shake.

   "Light or dark?" he asked mechanically.

   The cultured maid servant announced to her mistress, wife of the profiteer:

   "If you please, ma'am, there's a mendicant at the door."

   The mistress sniffed contemptuously:

   "Tell 'im there's nothin' to mend."

   A woman visitor to the city entered a taxicab. No sooner was the door closed than the car leaped forward violently, and afterward went racing wildly along the street, narrowly missing collision with innumerable things. The passenger, naturally enough, was terrified. She thrust her head through the open window of the door, and shouted at the chauffeur:

   "Please, be careful, sir! I'm nervous. This is the first time I ever rode in a taxi."

   The driver yelled in reply, without turning his head:

   "That's all right, ma'am. It's the first time I ever drove one!"

   The cook, Nora, had announced her engagement to a frequenter at the kitchen, named Mike. But a year passed and nothing was heard of the nuptials. So, one day, the mistress inquired:

   "When are you to be married, Nora?"

   "Indade, an' it's niver at all, I'll be thinkin', mum," the cook answered sadly.

   "Really? Why, what is the trouble?"

   The reply was explicit:

   "'Tis this, mum. I won't marry Mike when he's drunk, an' he won't marry me when he's sober."

   *    *    *

   The delinquent laggard swain had been telling of his ability as a presiding officer. The girl questioned him:

   "What is the parliamentary phrase when you wish to call for a vote?"

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