"Come out of there, you ornery thief!"

   There was silence for a few seconds, except for the startled clucking of the fowls. Then a heavy bass voice boomed out of the darkness:

   "Please, Colonel, dey ain't nobody here 'cept jes' us chickens!"

   A shipwrecked traveler was washed up on a small island. He was terrified at thought of cannibals, and explored with the utmost stealth. Discovering a thin wisp of smoke above the scrub, he crawled toward it fearfully, in apprehension that it might be from the campfire of savages. But as he came close, a voice rang out sharply:

   "Why in hell did you play that card?" The castaway, already on his knees, raised his hands in devout thanksgiving.

   "Thank God!" he exclaimed brokenly. "They are Christians!"

   A political boss wished to show his appreciation of the services of a colored man who possessed considerable

   influence. He suggested to the darky for a Christmas present the choice between a ton of coal and a jug of the best whiskey.

   The colored man spoke to the point:

   "Ah burns wood."

   *    *    *

   Santa Claus inserted an upright piano, a fur dolman, a Ford, and a few like knick-knacks in the Chicago girl's stocking. When he saw that it was not yet half filled, he withdrew to the roof, plumped down on the snow, and wept bitterly.

   The young members of the family had been taught to be punctilious in contributing to the collection at church. One Sunday morning, when the boxes were being passed, James, aged six, ran his eye over those in the pew, and noticed that a guest of his sister had no coin in her hand. "Where is your money?" he whispered. She answered that she hadn't any. But James was equal to the emergency:

   "Here, take mine," he directed. "That'll pay for you. I'll get under the seat."

   Which he did.

   *    *    *

   The old negro attended a service in the Episcopal Church for the first time in his life. Someone asked him afterward how he had enjoyed the experience.

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