"Oh, no, ma'am," the girl replied. "You see, ma'am, he ain't dead yet. The hanging ain't till Friday."

   When a certain officer of the governor's staff died, there were many applicants for the post, and some were indecently impatient. While the dead colonel was awaiting burial, one aspirant buttonholed the governor, asking:

   "Would you object to my taking the place of the colonel?"

   "Not at all," the governor replied tartly. "See the undertaker."

   In the smoking-room of a theatre, between the acts, an amiable young man addressed an elderly gentleman who was seated beside him:

   "The show is very good, don't you think?"

   The old gentleman nodded approvingly, as he replied:

   "Me, I always take the surface cars. Them elevated an' subway stairs ketches my breath."

   "I said the show was a good one," exclaimed the young man, raising his voice.

   Again, the elderly person nodded agreeably.

   "They jump about a good deal," was his comment, "but they're on the ground, which the others ain't."

   Now, the young man shouted:

   "You're a little deaf, ain't you?"

   At last the other understood.

   "Yes, sir!" he announced proudly. "I'm as deef as a post." He chuckled contentedly. "Some folks thinks as that's a terrible affliction, but I don't. I kin always hear what I'm sayin' myself, an' that's interestin' enough for me."

   *    *    *

   An excellent old gentleman grew hard of hearing, and was beset with apprehension lest he become totally deaf. One day, as he rested on a park bench, another elderly citizen seated himself alongside. The apprehensive old gentleman saw that the new comer was talking rapidly, but his ears caught no faintest sound of the other's voice. He listened 

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