"Be calm, brethren," he shouted. "The word of God is in my mouth, but the De'il's in my breeches!"

   The young lady, who was something of a food fadist, was on a visit to a coast fishing village. She questioned her host as to the general diet of the natives, and was

   told that they subsisted almost entirely on fish. The girl protested:

   "But fish is a brain food, and these folks are really the most unintelligent-looking that I ever saw."

   "Mebbe so," the host agreed. "And just think what they'd look like if they didn't eat fish!"

   In an English school, the examiner asked one of the children to name the products of the Indian Empire. The child was well prepared, but very nervous.

   "Please, sir," the answer ran, "India produces curries and pepper and rice and citron and chutney and—and——"

   There was a long pause. Then, as the first child remained silent, a little girl raised her hand. The examiner nodded.

   "Yes, you may name any other products of India."

   "Please, sir," the child announced proudly, "India-gestion."

   "Now, let me see," the impecunious man demanded as he buttonholed an acquaintance, "do I owe you anything?"

   "Not a penny, my dear sir," was the genial reply. "You are going about paying your little debts?"

   "No, I'm going about to see if I've overlooked anybody? Lend me ten till Saturday."

   *    *    *

   Ted had a habit of dropping in at the house next door on baking day, for the woman of that house had a deft way in the making of cookies, and Ted had no hesitation in enjoying her hospitality, even to the extent of asking for cookies if they were not promptly forthcoming.

   When the boy's father learned of this, he gave Ted a lecture and a strict order never to ask for cookies at the neighbor's kitchen. So, when a few days later the father saw his son munching a cookie as he came away from the next house, he spoke sternly:

   "Have you been begging cookies again?"

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