grande dame

   remarked to her hostess:

   "But how dirty your hands are."

   The great lady regarded her hands doubtfully, as she replied:

   "Oh, do you think so? Why, you ought to see my feet!"

   Jimmy found much to criticise in his small sister. He felt forced to remonstrate with his mother.

   "Don't you want Jenny to be a good wife like you when she grows up?" he demanded. His mother nodded assent.

   "Then you better get busy, ma. You make me give into her all the time 'cause I'm bigger 'en she is. You're smaller 'en pa, but when he comes in, you bring him his slippers, and hand him the paper." Jimmie yanked his go-cart from baby Jennie, and disregarded her wail of anger as he continued:

   "Got to dis'pline her, or she'll make an awful wife!"

   The kindly and inquisitive old gentleman was interested in the messenger boy who sat on the steps of a house, and toyed delicately with a sandwich taken from its wrapper. With the top piece of bread carefully removed, the boy picked out and ate a few small pieces of the chicken. The puzzled observer questioned the lad:

   "Now, sonny, why don't you eat your sandwich right down, instead of fussing with it like that?"

   The answer was explicit:

   "Dasn't! 'Tain't mine."

   The court was listening to the testimony of the wife who sought a divorce.

   "Tell me explicitly," the judge directed the woman, "what fault you have to find with your husband."

   And the wife was explicit:

   "He is a liar, a brute, a thief and a brainless fool!"

   "Tut, tut!" the judge remonstrated. "I suspect you would find difficulty in proving all your assertions."

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