and made some quick motions with his face and arms which resulted in a solo.

   The story he told was simplicity itself.

   Plainer than words could make it his beautifully imported voice kept saying "Aha! aha-eo! I-am-getting-one-thousand-dollars-a-night—tra-la-la-la!-aha!-aha-eo! For-doing-this,—for-doing-this-with-the-pipes-I-get-one-thousand-plunks-oh-plunks-per-night-aha!-aha-eo!"

   Then the soprano responded with much emotion from the orchestra, "Ditto, ditto, ditto! me too, me too! oo-oo-me too!"

   It was delicious.

   But just then came the bitter moment when all my deliciousness was crushed because the narrow-headed man on my left switched softly into "Hiawatha" with a few personal additions to the coda.

   So I stood up and went home.

   He laughs best who laughs with a full stomach.

   How many people in this world are being coaxed when it's a club they need!

   Here are two things any man can find in the dark—a carpet tack and a limburger sandwich.

   "Handsome is as handsome does them"—the motto of the bunco steerer.

   The eighth letter of the alphabet, which is all broken up because Englishmen have dropped it so often. (Get ap!)

   HA! An exclamation of surprise used in connection with other dark blue words when you step on a tack.

   HA, HA! Something the world tries to give you on the slightest provocation.

   HAIR. The fur that pays a temporary visit to a man's head for the purpose of falling out later on.

   HARD JOB. Trying to live without working.

   HARD WORK. The sugar of life, but it is surprising how many people prefer lemons.

   HEALTH. The ability to eat meat for breakfast without having to rush to the drugstore.

   HEAT. A scheme invented by Nature for the purpose of sending human beings to the seashore, the mountains and the hospital. It is from the Latin words "

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