spark! We're out to win this war, sir."

   "Quite so," began Mr. Lavender. "If devotion——"

   "You'll have to use gas," said the Minister; "and we don't pay."

   "Pay!" cried Mr. Lavender with horror; "no, indeed!"

   The Minister bent on him a shrewd glance.

   "What's your line? Anything particular, or just general patriotism? I recommend that; but you'll have to put some punch into it, you know."

   "I have studied all the great orators of the war, sir," said Mr. Lavender, "and am familiar with all the great writers on, it. I should form myself on them; and if enthusiasm——"

   "Quite!" said the Minister. "If you want any atrocities we can give you them. No facts and no figures; just general pat."

   "I shall endeavour——" began Mr. Lavender.

   "Well, good-bye," said the Minister, rising. "When do you start?"

   Mr. Lavender rose too. "To-morrow," he said, "if I can get inflated."

   The Minister rang a bell.

   "You're on your own, mind," he said. "No facts; what they want is ginger. Yes, Mr. Japes?"

   And seeing that the Minister was looking over his tortoiseshell. spectacles at somebody behind him, Mr. Lavender turned and went out. In the corridor he thought, "What terseness! How different from the days when Dickens wrote his 'Circumlocution Office'! Punch!" And opening the wrong door, he found himself in the presence of six little girls in brown frocks, sitting against the walls with their thumbs in their mouths.

   "Oh!" he said, "I'm afraid I've lost my way."

   The eldest of the little girls withdrew a thumb.

   "What d'yer want?"

   "The door," said Mr. Lavender.

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