absorpshun and dijestshun of printin-house paste and wind puddins, with ritin-fluid sauce as a con-dyment and appytizer. These are the peepel who alwus allow there noosepaper bills to accummerlate till they dropoff, and the edit-tur gives them a bang-up introduckshun on there long jurney, in the hope that the adminnysteers of there estates'll allow his bill Feint hope that is, cos were was the adminnysteer that was ever known to acknowledge a noosepaper bill as genwine. They all go on the princerpel "that all editturs is liars, and all big liars is editturs," and take the same deduckshun, wot is alwus this: "A bill persented by a liar must be a lie, on its face "; therefore, it is unallowable.

   The reeson I've ben thus sollykisin, Mr. Diry, is, cos the expenses of the campane hav ben purty hevvy on Mr. Gilley, and yet havin had a chanse to dip his fingers inter the State Tressurey, he was run-nin a littel short of funds. So this afternoon he give me a lot of old bills to collect.

   I found it purty had work, cos every-bodie 'peared to be perticklar fond of pay-in all there bills next week. I was gettin diseurraged, and I didn't like to go back to the offis without no munney, so I thot up a littel skeem. There was a big flour deeler wot owd a bill of $40, wot'd got outlored. So I went over to his offis and ast the clurk to tell him I wanted to see him on pertickler bisness. The clurk sed he was orful 'ngaged, & I'd better call round next week, and praps he'd hav time to tork to me. I insisted and told him to tell Mr. Paynuthin, that the bisness wot I warnted to see him on was a matter of immense importanse to himself. Soon as I got in, I sed: "Mr. Paynuthin, we've got on to sum very valuabel informashun, wot'll make your fortune, if the other flourmen don't get it fust. Now, if you'll pay up this bill, I'll giv it to you at wonce, and you'll get the inside trak on 'em." I seen he was gettin interested, so I concluded, by sayin: "Now if you don't get this in-formashun, it may leed to your ruin." He didn't say a wurd, but went to the safe, and got out the $40, and I receeted the bill, and axt him for a peece of paper, cos he mite forget it if I didn't rite it down. Then I wrote in big letters: "Owe no man a cent," and biddin him goodby, I took a hasty departure. The skeem work'd splendid every place I went, only at wun old lawyers offis, and he sed: "Yung man, I've been cheetin, fleecin and beetin everybodie for the last forty years, and there aint no noosepaper man livin wot can tell me eny eeseier way to mak a fortune. Git out," and I got. Mr. Gilley says I'm the boss collecttur, and orter hire myself out to a Mutual Life and Accident 

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