make a fortune, I' kno wot I can be, I'll go to the offis in the mornin', and if there's eny music in the air, I'll resine and berry my hopes. Then I'll leese Dennis Ryan's old blind muel, wot's too week to kik, and go to peddlin' fish. The

    Buster

   will bust 'fore they make enything outer this chickin; ain't that so, Mister Diry?

   To-day has ben a glorius day for me, cos it seems like I'd done sumthin wot was a onher to the perfesshun.

   Wen I went down to the offis I felt like my resignashun wuld be axceptabel, cos my servises could easyly be dispensed with. I left the door opin wen I went in so as I'd have a avenew of 'scape in case a mine 'xploded. Jest as I got in the press-room I hearn a muffelled voice say: "Georgie, my boy, is that you?" I answered: "Yes, sir." Then I seen the edittur reclinin' in a recumbent posishun, under the big sillinder press, lookin'whither 'an a sheet, and tremblm' like he'd seen his grandpa's gost. I arst him wot was the matter, and he sez:

   "Georgie, there's a man in the offis wot I sed was a red-hedded old snoozer wot ort to be run outer town. Tell him I've gone to Coney Ileland to fite a duhell with Sullivan, or say I'm out takin' my mornin' pistil practise. Tell him enything, only get schutt of him."

   I sez: "You becher life, I'll fix him." So I went inter the sanktuary, like I own'd the hull bisness, and I seen his oner walk-in' up and down, swarin' to hisself, like he was repeetin' the responces in the 'Piscopal church.

   Soon as he cot site of me, he sez:

   "Young man, where am that red-hedded, shaller-braned, lantern-jawd, squint-eyed, crooked-knoes son of a ded beet? Show me him till I pulverise him so fine that his remanes wouldn't bring 5 cents if you was to sell em for pure superfosfated binary bone."

   "Wot did you remark?" sez I.

   "Show me the insignificant littel puppy wot sed I was a red-hedded old snoozer," sed he.

   "Oh! you wish ter see the edittur. I'll call him," sez I.

   Then I went to the speakin tube wot goes up inter the composin-room, and sung out orful loud:

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