chapped.' I don't believe she ever done it, though. Jist another of pa's jokes, I bet.

   "Turn over."

   "That's ma's brother, Uncle Billy Sparks. Ain't he handsome? Jist take a look at them eyes. And he's smart, too—smart as Uncle Charlie, purty nigh. Onct his mother-in-law come t' see 'em and staid a long time and was awful cross and Uncle Billy got tired of it and took and put a wad of cotton in her ear trumpet so she couldn't hear a thing, and she thought she was goin' plumb deef and left that day fer home to see her doctor. Wasn't that cute of him?"

   "That there's ma's greatuncle Peter. He was awful well off, and proud of it. Onct when th' minister was raisin' money t' pay fer th' new church he preached and he preached, right at Uncle Pete, purty nigh, and bimeby Uncle Pete he got up from his front corner seat and turned round toward th' people and hollered, 'I'll give another hunderd dollars t' th' Lord, and yuh all know I kin pay it!' he says.

   "Turn over."

   "That's Uncle Jerry Sparks, ma's brother. He was a lieutenant of artil'ry. Pa says ef he was a rebel and seen Uncle Jerry comin' weth that 'spression onto his mug he wouldn't only hit th' high places."

   "That's Evans Billhorn, a cousin of ma's by his first wife. He ust t' keep a butcher shop down t' Peory and he was so strong he could throw down a steer. Onct pa made a mistake talkin' t' Evans. Evans was a-braggin' 'bout how he could rassle, and pa ups and says, 'Huh! you couldn't throw nothin' but a fit,' he says. Say! it never took less 'n two doctors t' fix all th' things about pa that was broke."

   "Still, Evans is most awful clumsy, too. One time when he was t' our house he knocked off a real cluny vase of ma's and broke it and his wife says, 'Evans Billhorn, th' next time I take you anywheres I'll crate yuh!' she says. Pa kep' a piece of that vase fer a long time. 'Pore feller suff'rer,' he called it.

   "Turn over."

   "That's Perfessor Tweedie. He teaches penmanship and he knows Shakespeare better 'n, old Mahomet knowed th' Koran, pa says. Ain't he a hairy feller, though? Onct him 'n Frank Mendenhall was a-doin' Brutus and Cassius wrapped up in sheets in Liberty Hall and when Prof says, 'Here is muh dagger and here muh naked breast,' pa hollers out, 'Git a shave, Prof!' Well, sir, it purty nigh busted up th' show."

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