Our Battalion Being Some Slight Impressions of His Majesty's Auxiliary Forces, in Camp and Elsewhere
wants to know something about 'is duties an' ses to the Gov'mint, 'Yer remarks is excellent an' to the point, but what can I do to correct me errors?' 'Anything you like,' ses the Gov'mint, cheerfully, 'that's not agin the Reg'lashuns.' 'I give up my time,' ses the Volunteer, 'an' pay for nearly everything out of my own pocket, an' I'm anxious for to learn, but I ain't a prophet,' ses 'e. 'Give me someone to teach me.' 'I'll do anything you like in reason,' ses the Gov'mint, 'but I will not train you.' 'Tell me how to teach myself, then,' ses the Volunteer. 'I don't know an' I don't care,' ses the Gov'mint, 'but I'll spare the time to examine you if you pay yer expenses. An' meanwhile I will regard you in the light of a nuisance.' An' so matters 'ave stood, the Volunteer trying to do 'is best an' the Gov'mint doin' its level to stop 'im at it.

   "But now, along comes the General. 'Th' Army's not big enough,' 'e ses. 'we must 'ave more men or I won't be responsible for breakages,' 'e ses. 'Serious?' ses the Gov'mint. 'Very,' ses the General. 'What am I to do?' ses the Gov'mint. 'Conscrip,' ses the General. 'I daren't,' ses the Gov'mint in a whisper; 'the Opposition 'ud get in at the next election.' 'The country requires it,' ses the General. '

    Does

   it?' ses the Gov'mint. 'It requires

    us

   more; it would be as much as my place is worth to ask every man to do his duty, an' besides, there's me brave and devoted Volunteers.' 'They'll never be any real good till they have the M'litia Ballot be'ind 'em,' ses the General. 'They're asking for it themselves,' ses he. 'Never will I consent to force any one,' ses the Gov'mint, 'in this Land of Freedom.' 'Something must be done,' ses the General. 'Ah,' ses the Gov'mint, 'I have it! Crowd them—I mean the Volunteers—for all you're worth, an' if anything busts, we can throw the blame on them. Increase the work an' cut down the pay, 'tis a sound business principle. Now to turn to more important questions. Is the new cap to have a peak, or is it not? An' who is it to be named after?'"

       "

    T

   he Junior Off'cers," said "Tiny" to the youngest Subaltern, "is on the whole as smart an' efficient a lot of young gents as I'd wish to see, fond o' their work, eager to learn, an' ready to take suggestions from their Comp'ny Instructors, but if you listen to them you'd think they was Generals. They may not know 'ow to c'mmand a comp'ny as 
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