good or ill temper and call for his night-cap, and pipes and tobacco, and send for some neighbours to sit with him, and talk politics together. [
Puts on a cap, and takes the pipes and sits down.
]
"How do you do, Mr. Costive? Sit down, sit down. Ay, these times are hard times; I can no more relish these times than I can a haunch of venison without sweet sauce to it; but, if you remember, I told you we should have warm work of it when the cook threw down the Kian pepper. Ay, ay; I think I know a thing or two; I think I do, that's all. But, Lord, what signifies what one knows? they don't mind me! You know I
mentioned at our club the disturbances in America, and one of the company took me up, and said, 'What signifies America, when we are all in a merry cue?' So they all fell a laughing. Now there's Commons made Lords, and there's Lords made the Lord knows what; but that's nothing to us; they make us pay our taxes; they take care of that; ay, ay, ay, they are sure of that. Pray what have they done for these twenty years last past?—Why, nothing at all; they have only made a few turnpike roads, and kept the partridges alive till September; that's all they have done, for the good of their country. There were some great people formerly, that lov'd their country, that did every thing for the good of their country; there were your Alexander the Great—he lov'd his country, and Julius Caesar lov'd his country, and Charles of Sweedland lov'd his country, and Queen Semiramis, she lov'd her country more than any of 'em, for she invented solomon-gundy; that's the best eating in the whole world. Now I'll shew you my plan of operations, Mr. Costive.—We'll suppose this drop of punch here to be the main ocean, or the sea; very well. These pieces of cork to be our men of war; very well. Now where shall I raise my fortifications? I wish I had Mr. Major
Moncrieff here; he's the best in the world at raising a fortification. Oh! I have it. [
Breaks the pipes.
] We'll suppose them to be all the strong fortified places in the whole world; such as Fort Omoa, Tilbury Fort, Bergen op Zoom, and Tower Ditch, and all the other fortified places all over the world. Now I'd have all our horse-cavalry wear cork waistcoats, and all our foot-infantry should wear air jackets. Then, sir, they'd cross the sea before you could say Jack Robinson. And where do you think they should land, Mr. Costive? whisper me that. Ha!—What?—When?—How?—You don't know.—How
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