The Complete Works of Artemus Ward - Part 1: Essays, Sketches, and Letters
summer. I hope they pay partic'lar 'tention to Spelin in these
Skools, because if a man can't Spel wel he's of no 'kount.

   I ment to have allooded to the Grate Orgin in this letter, but I
haven't seen it. Mr. Reveer, whose tavern I stop at, informed me
that it can be distinctly heard through a smoked glass in his nativ
town in New Hampshire, any clear day. But settin' the Grate Orgin
aside (and indeed, I don't think I heard it mentioned all the time
I was there), Boston is one of the grandest, sure-footedest, clear
headedest, comfortablest cities on the globe. Onlike ev'ry other
large city I was ever in, the most of the hackmen don't seem to
hav' bin speshully intended by natur for the Burglery perfession,
and it's about the only large city I know of where you don't enjoy
a brilliant opportunity of bein swindled in sum way, from the Risin
of the sun to the goin down thereof. There4 I say, loud and
continnered applaus' for Boston!

   Kiss the children for me. What you tell me 'bout the Twins greeves
me sorely. When I sent 'em that Toy Enjine I had not
contempyulated that they would so fur forgit what wos doo the
dignity of our house as to squirt dishwater on the Incum Tax
Collector. It is a disloyal act, and shows a prematoor leanin'
tords cussedness that alarms me. I send to Amelia Ann, our oldest
dawter, sum new music, viz. "I am Lonely sints My Mother-in-law
Died"; "Dear Mother, What tho' the Hand that Spanked me in my
Childhood's Hour is withered now?" &c. These song writers, by the
way, air doin' the Mother Bizness rather too muchly.

   Your Own Troo husban',

   Artemus Ward.

   There are several reports afloat as to how "Honest Old Abe"
received the news of his nomination, none of which are correct. We
give the correct report.

   The Official Committee arrived in Springfield at dewy eve, and went
to Honest Old Abe's house. Honest Old Abe was not in. Mrs. Honest
Old Abe said Honest Old Abe was out in the woods splitting rails.
So the Official Committee went out into the woods, where sure

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