The principal products of Great Britain are Beef, Bishops, Banks, and Barometers.

    The inhabitants of England are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.

     SCOTLAND

    A mountainous, peaty region in the northern part of Great Britain.

    The Dew distilled from the Scotch mountains, flavoured with the peat of the valleys is highly prized by the natives, not only of Scotland but of all the English speaking countries of this Giddy Globe.

    The inhabitants are a tall, barb-wiry, music-loving, pious and joke-fearing race, fond of loud plaids and still Lauder songs.

    Their tall spare frames have given rise to the term Bony (or Bonny) Scotland, supposed by some to be derived from “Bonnet,” the national headgear.

    The principal products of Scotland are Porridge, Parsons and Pilbrochs.

    The inhabitants of Scotland are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.

     IRELAND

    Ireland is the land of the Irish Bull, a paradoxical Bovine whose cross-eyed horns can toss a British commonplace in two directions at once.

    The population of Ireland consists chiefly of Absentee landlords and Emigrants to the United States.

    They are ruled by two Absentee governments, a Parliament at Westminster and an Itinerant President.

    The country is infested with Absentee Snakes. It is believed that the Serpent who tempted Eve (from the “way he had with the women”) was one of these Absentee snakes.

    Strabo, the Greek Geographer who visited Ireland long before St. Patrick, describes the inhabitants as, “

     more savage than the Britons, feeding on human flesh and enormous eaters, deeming it commendable to devour their deceased fathers

    .”

    Strabo evidently attended a wake and miscalculated the strength of the national 

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