and throat burnings.

   COLUMBUS, Christopher, map enlarger, skipper. Said to have been born in Genoa. Something made him believe the world was round. He endeavored to secure money to prove his theory, but nobody cared whether he was correct or not. Realizing there was no capital or prophet in his own country, he took passage to Spain. There he inveigled Isabella into equipping an expedition for him to discover America. She did and he did. Ambition: To keep New York City in the family. Recreation: Deck shuffle-boards, dreaming. Address: San Salvatore. Clubs: Palos Yacht.

   COMPANY, T. H. E., a man and woman who invariably called when we were taking a nap or dressing. Charming conversationalists. Recreation: Tea. Ambition: An invitation to dinner.

   CONFUCIUS, A Chinese preacher of note. Lived some 500 years B. C. and taught the chinks the art of joss making, and how to do things backward. He also was the founder of ancestor worship. This still is practiced in England, but never in the United States or Australia. Recreation: Fireworks. Ambition: A Chinese laundry in every city. Epitaph: More Majorum.

   CONQUEROR, Will The, of Normandy. Wrote "Hastings" and "1066" in all history books.

   COOK, T. H. E., Lord of the Household. Entered the kitchen at a tender age. Soon acquired considerable weight in person, and in the management of the house. When she departed there was weeping, and wailing, and waiting. Diet: Usually large and everything of the best. Ambition: An American policeman, or Thomas Atkins. Recreations: Days off. Address: The whole house.

   COOK, Captain, a real explorer who discovered the Sandwich Islands and who took the first Cook's tour around the world.

   COOK, Doctor Frederick A., an explorer who said he discovered the north pole, but nobody believed him. (See Peary.)

   COOK, Tom, celebrated ticket seller, author of captivating travel literature, and a tour arranger who guarantees to save you money. Owns and operates the Nile and Mount Vesuvius. Publications: The Come On Books. Ambition: Those Americans who want to see everything. Also "first timers." Address: Any foreign city equipped with tourists.

   COOK (first name not known), son of the above, who helps his father save money for the tourist. He is called "fils" in Paris.

   COPPERFIELD, Dave, one of Dickens' friends who assisted him in building a 

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