my eyes and cotton for my ears. Only they have no cotton thick enough in this world.” 

 A third was for reading the mysteries of life in a future state; and a fourth professed that he would never have joined the club, if he had not been induced to believe in Mr. Darwin. 

 “I could not bear,” said this remarkable suicide, “to be descended from an ape.” 

 Altogether, the Prince was disappointed by the bearing and conversation of the members. 

 “It does not seem to me,” he thought, “a matter for so much disturbance. If a man has made up his mind to kill himself, let him do it, in God’s name, like a gentleman. This flutter and big talk is out of place.” 

 In the meanwhile Colonel Geraldine was a prey to the blackest apprehensions; the club and its rules were still a mystery, and he looked round the room for some one who should be able to set his mind at rest. In this survey his eye lighted on the paralytic person with the strong spectacles; and seeing him so exceedingly tranquil, he besought the President, who was going in and out of the room under a pressure of business, to present him to the gentleman on the divan. 

 The functionary explained the needlessness of all such formalities within the club, but nevertheless presented Mr. Hammersmith to Mr. Malthus. 

 Mr. Malthus looked at the Colonel curiously, and then requested him to take a seat upon his right. 

 “You are a new-comer,” he said, “and wish information? You have come to the proper source. It is two years since I first visited this charming club.” 

 The Colonel breathed again. If Mr. Malthus had frequented the place for two years there could be little danger for the Prince in a single evening. But Geraldine was none the less astonished, and began to suspect a mystification. 

 “What!” cried he, “two years! I thought—but indeed I see I have been made the subject of a pleasantry.” 

 “By no means,” replied Mr. Malthus mildly. “My case is peculiar. I am not, properly speaking, a suicide at all; but, as it were, an honorary member. I rarely visit the club twice in two months. My infirmity and the kindness of the President have procured me these little immunities, for which besides I pay at an advanced rate. Even as it is my luck has been extraordinary.” 

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