The Enormous Room
whiskers. 

 I sat on the curb and began to fill a paper with something which I found in my pockets, certainly not tobacco. 

 Splutter-splutter-fizz-Poop—the v-f-g is back, with my oak-branch in his raised hand, slithering opprobria and mostly crying: “Is that huge piece of wood what you call a cane? It is, is it? What? How? What the—,” so on. 

 I beamed upon him and thanked him, and explained that a “dirty Frenchman” had given it to me as a souvenir, and that I would now proceed. 

 Twisting the handle in the loop of my sack, and hoisting the vast parcel under my arm, I essayed twice to boost it on my back. This to the accompaniment of HurryHurryHurryHurryHurryHurryHurry…. The third time I sweated and staggered to my feet, completely accoutred. 

 Down the road. Into the ville. Curious looks from a few pedestrians. A driver stops his wagon to watch the spider and his outlandish fly. I chuckled to think how long since I had washed and shaved. Then I nearly fell, staggered on a few steps, and set down the two loads. 

 Perhaps it was the fault of a strictly vegetarian diet. At any rate, I couldn’t move a step farther with my bundles. The sun sent the sweat along my nose in tickling waves. My eyes were blind. 

 Hereupon I suggested that the v-f-g carry part of one of my bundles with me, and received the answer: “I am doing too much for you as it is. No gendarme is supposed to carry a prisoner’s baggage.” 

 I said then: “I’m too tired.” 

 He responded: “You can leave here anything you don’t care to carry further; I’ll take care of it.” 

 I looked at the gendarme. I looked several blocks through him. My lip did something like a sneer. My hands did something like fists. 

 At this crisis along comes a little boy. May God bless all males between seven and ten years of age in France! 

 The gendarme offered a suggestion, in these words: “Have you any change about you?” He knew, of course, that the sanitary official’s first act had been to deprive me of every last cent. The gendarme’s eyes were fine. They reminded me of … never mind. “If you have change,” said he, “you might hire this kid to carry some of your baggage.” Then he lit a pipe which was made in his own image, and smiled fattily. 


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