The Postmaster
a sand hummock a little ways off and I could see ’em wrinklin’ their noses.When the table was set and everything was ready I put my head out of the window and hollered: "Dinner!" I sung out. There wa’n’t any answer. The pair on the hummock stirred and acted uneasy, but they didn’t move. I ladled out some of the chowder and the perfume of it got more pervadin’ and extensive. Then I rattled the dishes and tried again. "Dinner!" I hollered. "Come on; chowder’s gettin’ cold." Still they didn’t move and I begun to think my fun had been all for myself. I was disappointed, but I set down to the table and commenced to eat. Then I heard a noise. The pair of ’em had drifted over to the doorway and was lookin’ in. "Hello!" says I, blowin’ a spoonful of chowder to cool it. "Am I givin’ a good imitation of a hungry man? If I ain’t, appearances are deceitful." "_Hog!_" snarls Clark, with enthusiasm. "Not at all," says I. "There’s plenty of everything and Mr. Shelton’s welcome. So would you be, Major, if there was anything aboard you could eat. I’m awful sorry about them prunes and nutmeats. I only wish Crowell had laid in a supply—I do so." The Major’s mouth was waterin’ so he had to swallow afore he could answer. When he did I realized what he was at his best. Shelton didn’t say a word, but the looks of him was enough. "My, my!" says I, "I’m glad I made a whole kettleful of this stuff; I can use a grown man’s share of it." Shelton looked at Clark and Clark looked at him. Then the Major yelps at him like a sore pup. "Go ahead!" he shouts. "Go ahead in! Don’t stand starin’ at me like a cannibal. Go in and eat, why don’t you?" You could see the Congressman was divided in his feelin’s. He wanted dinner worse than the Old Harry wanted the backslidin’ deacon, but he hated to desert his friend. "You’re sure—" he stammered. "It seems mean to leave you, but.... Sure you wouldn’t mind? If it wasn’t that you are on a diet and _can’t_ eat I shouldn’t think of it, but—" "Shut up!" The Major fairly whooped it to Jericho. "If you talk diet to me again I’ll kill you. Go in and eat. Eat, you idiot! I’d just as soon watch two pigs as one. Go in!" So Shelton came in and I had a plate of chowder waitin’ for him. He grabbed up his spoon and didn’t speak until he’d finished the whole of it. Then he fetched a long breath, passed the plate for more, and says he: "By George, Cap’n, that is the best stuff I ever tasted. You’re a wonderful cook." "Much obliged," says I. "But you ain’t competent to judge until after the third helpin’. And now you try a slab of that spider-bread and a cup of coffee. And don’t forget to leave room for the shortcake because.... Well, I swan to man! Why, Major Clark, are you crazy?" For, as sure as I’m settin’ here, old Clark had come bustin’ into that kitchen, 
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