the brass rail, ate toothpicks and thought he was IT. When I got back to Steve he was dealing out the cards to a lady from Reading, Pa., and Kee and Jim had ducked to the billiard room. Her husband had been up in the air with a bum automobile and when he came down he was several sections shy. They found a monkey wrench imbedded in his left shoulder which he couldn't remember using when he tried to fix the machine. She was traveling for his health. "My room is too near the elevator," she informed Steve. "I can give you a very nice room on the third floor--Front! show the lady----" "Same size room?" "Yes, Madam." "Same colored carpet on the floor?" "I believe it has--Front! show the lady----" "Southern exposure?" "Yes, Madam, it's at the end of the hall." "I want a room near the elevator, that's always the way in these hotels! One can never get just what one wants! At the end of the hall, indeed!" And with this she gave Steve the Society sting with both eyes and flounced out. Steve bit the end off a pen holder and said the rest internally. Just then a couple of troupers trailed in. They were with the "Bandit's Bride Co.," and the way had been long and weary. "What have you got--double?" asked the villain of the piece. "Two dollars and up!" said Steve. "Nothing better?" inquired Low Comedy--he was making a crack but nobody caught him. "Four dollars, with bath," Steve suggested. "Board?" asked the villain. "Nothing but the sleeps and a fresh cake of soap," said Steve. "Ring down!" Low Comedy put in; "Why, we lived a whole week in Pittsburg for less than that." "You can turn the same trick here if you carry your own coke and sleep in the Park," said Steve. "What's the name of this mint?" asked the villain. Steve told him. "To the tow-path!" said Barrett Macready; "we're outside the life lines. We thought it was the Liverwurst Hotel where they throw things at your appetite for $1 a day, double. To the left, wheel! Forward, march!" and once more the drama was on its way. As Low Comedy turned proudly on his heel he threw upon the counter a printed card. Steve had it framed and glued to the wall next day. It read as follows. HOTEL RULES--HELP YOURSELF. RULE 1.--We cash no checks drawn on Papa. He's a dead one. RULE 2.--Eat all our booze you want to, but go elsewhere and select your snakes. RULE 3.--Don't call the waitress by her first name. She's liable to spoil your appetite. RULE 4.--Guests who desire to have nightmare will find the harness in the restaurant, so back up! RULE 5.--To prevent guests from carrying fruit from the table we'll have no fruit. We're lucky to have the table. RULE 6.--If you feel tired, go away back and sit down. RULE 7.--In case of fire jump out the window and turn to the left. RULE 8.--Breakfast from 4 to 3; dinner from hand to 

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