mouth, and supper from what's left over.RULE 9.--Hug as many high-balls as you please, but don't wave the red flag in the office--you might disturb Harold Spotwood, the room clerk. He was out late last night.

RULE 10.--If you don't like your room, kick the bell-boy. Apply at the office for spiked shoes.

RULE 11.--If you don't see what you want ask for it and you'll get it--good and hard!

RULE 12.--Ask the bar-keeper to let you have one of our justly celebrated high tides. It will do you good.

RULE 13.--Try our boneless potato salad; apply to the night watchman.

RULE 14.--All the shines are not in the barber shop. Lie down, Fido.

RULE 15.--That will be about all from you.

JOHN HENRY AND THE BENZINE BUGGY.

A cross-country dub named Montrose has been doing the Shine specialty around Clara Jane lately. He began to call evenings and bring a bunch of ready-grown flowers with him as big as a hay stack. Then he'd spread around the parlor and tell her how he won the long-distance running jump in the '01 Yale class. As you approached him from the front the first name you saw was Clarence--Clarence Edgerton Montrose. Wouldn't that slap you! I don't think Clara Jane considered him the real kittens, but he could talk fast and use long words and she found him pleasant company. She said she loved to sit and shade her eyes with the $8 fan I gave her and listen to Clarence Edgerton Montrose while he discoursed about Palestine and the Holy Land. If he was ever there he went in a hack. That's the trouble with some of those college come-outs! The Professors beat them over the head with a geography and then as soon as they get a crowd around they begin to go to the places that struck them hardest. As an honest, hard-working man it was my duty to put the boots to Edgerton and run him down the lane as far as the eye could see. So I framed up Clarence's finish with much attention to detail. I looked over Clara Jane's dates ahead and found that Clarence had rented the house for a Wednesday matinee, so I hired one of those horseless carriage things and pulled up in front of the windows just about the time I thought His Feathers would be playing the overture. I knew that Clara Jane would cancel the contract with the mutt that mixed in just as soon as she saw the automobile snap. I figured that the picture entitled "The True Lover's Departure in the Dream Wagon" would put a crimp in Clarence about 

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