Th' presumption is that they was nawthin' to hear. Therefore it is aisy
to imagine Gin'ral Buller, findin' his position on th' north side
ontenable an' his position on th' south side onbearable, is
thransportin' his troops up th' river on rafts an' is now engagin' th'
inimy between Spitzozone an' Rottenfontein, two imminsely sthrong
points. All this dimonsthrates th' footility an' foolishness iv
attimptin' to carry a frontal position agains' large, well-fed Dutchmen
with mud in th' fr-ront iv thim."

   "'I cal'clate that it wud require thirty millyon thurly dauntless
Britions to ixicute such a manoover, tin Boers ar-rmed with pop bottles
bein' now considhered th' akel iv a brigade. What I wud do if I was
Buller, an' I thank Hivin I'm not, wud be move me ar-rmy in half-an-hour
over th' high but aisily accessible mountains to th' right iv
Crowrijoy's forces, an' takin' off me shoes so he cudden't hear thim
squeak, creep up behind th' Dutch an' lam their heads off. Afther this
sthroke 'twud be aisy f'r to get th' foorces iv Fr-rinch, Gatacre,
Methoon, an' Winston Churchill together some afthernoon, invite th'
inimy to a band concert, surround an' massacree thim. This adroit move
cud be ixicuted if Roberts wud on'y make use iv th' ixicillint bus
sarvice between Hokesmith an' Mikesmith. It is exthraordinary that th'
gin'ral on th' groun' has not seen th' possibilities so apparent at a
distance.'"

   "That's wan kind iv war expert, Hinnissy. Another kind is th' wan that
gives it good to th' gover'mint. Says Willum McGlue, war expert iv th'
London Mornin' Growl, who's supposed to be cheek be jowl with Lord
Wolseley. 'England's greatness is slippin' away. Th' failure iv th'
gover'mint to provide a well-equipped, thurly pathriotic ar-rmy iv Boers
to carry on this war undher th' leadership iv gallant Joobert is goin'
to be our roonation. We ar-re bethrayed be a lazy, effete, side-
whiskered, golf-playin' gover'mint that wud rather lose this fight thin
win it because they ar-re tired iv holdin' office. What can be said f'r
public men so lost to shame that they spell Kopje with a "c" an' ar-re
sindin' Englishmen to th' ends iv th' wurruld to fight f'r England? Down
with thim!'"

   "Well sir, 'tis a gr-reat thing f'r a counthry to have th' likes iv thim
ar-round to direct manoovers that'd be gatherin' dust on th' shelf if
th' gin'rals had their say, an' to prove to th' wurruld that th' English

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