ol' pair
iv boots. Nawthin' doin'. Peking is as quiet as th' gr-rave. Her
majesty, th' impress, is sufferin' slightly fr'm death be poison, but is
still able to do th' cookin' f'r the Rooshan ambassadure. Th' impror was
beheaded las' week an' feels so much betther f'r the op'ration that he
expicts to be quarthered nex' Sundah. He's always wanted to rayjooce his
weight. Some iv th' Boxers called on th' foreigners at Tinsin las' week
an' met a warrum rayciption. Th' foreigners aftherward paid a visit to
thim through a hole in th' wall, an' a jolly day concluded with a foot
race, at which our people are becomin' expert. Some iv th' boys expicts
to come up to Peking nex' week, an' th' people along th' line iv th'
railroad are gettin' ready f'r thim. This is really all the news I have,
excipt that cherries ar-re ripe. Me pin is poor, me ink is dhry, me love
f'r you can niver die. Give me regards to Sicrety Hay whin he wakes up.
I remain, illusthrus cousin iv th' risin' dawn, thruly ye'ers, Li.

   P. S.—If ye need anny more information take a longer dhraw.'

   "'That,' says Woo, 'is wan way iv r-readin' it. Read upside down it says
that the impress has become a Swedenboorjan. I will r-read it standin'
on me head whin I get home where I can pin down me overskirt; thin I'll
r-read it in a lookin' glass; thin I'll saw it into sthrips an' r-run it
through a wringer an' lave it stand in a tub iv bluein', an' whin its
properly starched I'll find out what it says. Fin'lly I'll cut it into
small pieces an' cook with rice an' lave it to rest in a cool place, an'
thin 'twill r-read even betther. I hope ye're satisfied,' he says. 'I
am,' says Jawn Hay. 'I'll tillygraft to Mark that ivrything is all r-
right,' he says, 'an' that our relations with his majesty or her majesty
or their Boxerships or th' Down-with-th'-foreign-divvlers or whoiver's
runnin' th' shop over beyant are as they ought to be or worse or
betther, as th' case may be,' he says. 'Good,' says Woo, 'ye're a man
afther me own heart,' he says. 'I'll sind ye a little book wrote be a
frind iv mine in Peking,' he says. ''Tis called "Heart to Heart Lies I
Have Had," he says. 'Ye'll like it,' he says. 'In the manetime,' he
says, 'I must write a secret message to go out be to-night's hot-air
express to me corryspondint in Meriden, Connecticut, urgin' him to sind
more im-peeryal edicks iv a fav'r-able nature,' he says. 'I've on'y had
twinty so far, an' I'm gettin' scrivener's palsy,' he says. 'But befure
I go,' he says, 'I bet ye eight millyon yens, or three dollars an'

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