"That sthrikes me as a gran' platform," said Mr. Hennessy. "I'm with it
fr'm start to finish."

   "Sure ye are," said Mr. Dooley, "an' so ye'd be if it begun: 'We
denounce Terence Hinnissy iv th' Sixth Ward iv Chicago as a thraitor to
his country, an inimy iv civilization, an' a poor thing.' Ye'd say:
'While there are wan or two things that might be omitted, th' platform
as a whole is a statesmanlike docymint, an' wan that appeals to th'
intelligince iv American manhood.' That's what ye'd say, an' that's what
all th' likes iv ye'd say. An' whin iliction day comes 'round th' on'y
question ye'll ast ye'ersilf is: 'Am I with Mack or am I with Billy
Bryan?' An accordin'ly ye'll vote."

   "'Tis always th' same way, an' all platforms is alike. I mind wanst whin
I was an alter-nate to th' county con-vintion—'twas whin I was a power
in pollytics an' th' on'y man that cud do annything with th' Bohemian
vote—I was settin' here wan night with a pen an' a pot iv ink befure
me, thryin' to compose th' platform f'r th' nex' day, f'r I was a lithry
man in a way, d'ye mind, an' I knew th' la-ads'd want a few crimps put
in th' raypublicans in a ginteel style, an' 'd be sure to call on me f'r
to do it. Well, I'd got as far down as th' tariff an' was thryin' f'r to
express me opinyon without swearin', whin who shud come in but Lafferty,
that was sicrety iv McMahon, that was th' Main Guy in thim days, but
aftherward thrun down on account iv him mixin' up between th' Rorkes an'
th' Dorseys. Th' Main Guy Down Town said he wudden't have no throuble in
th' ward, an' he declared McMahon out. McMahon had too much money
annyhow. If he'd kept on, dollar bills'd have been extinct outside iv
his house. But he was a sthrong man in thim days an' much liked."

   "Anyhow, Lafferty, that was his sicrety, come in, an' says he: 'What are
ye doin' there?' says he. 'Step soft,' says I; 'I am at wurruk,' I says.
'Ye shudden't do lithry wurruk on an empty stomach,' says he. 'I do
nawthin' on an empty stomach but eat,' says I. 'I've had me supper,' I
says. 'Go 'way,' says I, 'till I finish th' platform,' I says. 'What's
th' platform?' says he.'F'r th' county con-vintion,' says I.

   "Well, sir, he set down on a chair, an' I thought th' man was goin' to
die right there on the premises with laughter. 'Whin ye get through with
ye'er barkin',' says I, 'I'll throuble ye to tell me what ye may be

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