doin' it f'r,' I says. 'I see nawthin' amusin' here but ye'er prisince,'
I says, 'an' that's not a divvle iv a lot funnier than a wooden leg,' I
says, f'r I was mad. Afther awhile he come to, an' says he: 'Ye don't
raally think,' says he, 'that ye'll get a chanct to spring that
platform,' he says. 'I do,' says I. 'Why,' he says, 'the platform has
been adopted,' he says. 'Whin?' says I. 'Befure ye were born,' says he.
'In th' reign iv Bildad th' first,' says he—he was a larned man, was
Lafferty, though a dhrinkin' man. All sicreties iv pollyticians not in
office is dhrinkin' men, Hinnissy. 'Ive got th' copy iv it here in me
pocket,' he says. 'Th' boss give it to me to bring it up to date,' he
says. 'They was no sthrike last year an' we've got to put a sthrike
plank in th' platform or put th' prisident iv th' Lumber Shovers' union
on th' county board, an',' he says, 'they ain't room,' he says.

   "'Why,' says Lafferty, 'ye ought to know th' histhry iv platforms,' he
says. An' he give it to me, an' I'll give it to ye. Years ago, Hinnissy,
manny years ago, they was a race between th' dimmycrats an' th'
raypublicans f'r to see which shud have a choice iv principles. Th'
dimmycrats lost. I dinnaw why. Mebbe they stopped to take a dhrink.
Annyhow, they lost. Th' raypublicans come up an' they choose th' 'we
commind' principles, an' they was nawthin' left f'r the dimmycrats but
th' 'we denounce an' deplores.' I dinnaw how it come about, but th'
dimmycrats didn't like th' way th' thing shtud, an' so they fixed it up
between thim that whichiver won at th' iliction shud commind an'
congratulate, an' thim that lost shud denounce an' deplore. An' so it's
been, on'y the dimmycrats has had so little chanct f'r to do annything
but denounce an' deplore that they've almost lost th' use iv th' other
wurruds.

   "Mack sets back in Wash'nton an' writes a platform f'r th' comity on
risolutions to compose th' week afther. He's got a good job—forty-nine
ninety-two, sixty-six a month—an' 'tis up to him to feel good. 'I—I
mean we,' he says, 'congratulate th' counthry on th' matchless
statesmanship, on-shrinkin' courage, steady devotion to duty an'
principle iv that gallant an' hon'rable leader, mesilf,' he says to his
sicrety. 'Take that,' he says, 'an' elaborate it,' he says. 'Ye'll find
a ditchnry on th' shelf near the dure,' he says, 'if ye don't think I've
put what I give ye sthrong enough,' he says. 'I always was,' he says,
'too retirin' f'r me own good,' he says. 'Spin out th' r-rest,' he says,
'to make about six thousan' wurruds,' he says, 'but be sure don't write

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