th' prisint state iv th' mathrimonyal market, as Hogan calls it, whin he
goes down to coort th' rich Widow O'Brien, th' la-ad that wants to
engage in interprises iv that sort ought to have a frind in ivry wan but
th' men that keeps imploymint agencies.

   "But no. Th' minyit a Mormon thries to break into a pollytical job, a
dillygation rises an' says they: 'What!' they says, 'permit this
polluted monsther f'r to invade th' chaste atmosphere,' they says, 'iv
th' house iv riprisintatives,' they says. 'Permit him f'r to parade his
fam'ly down Pinnsylvanya Av'noo an' block thraffic,' they says. 'Permit
him mebbe to set in th' chair wanst occypied be th' laminted
Breckinridge,' they says. An' they proceed f'r to hunt th' poor, crowded
man. An' he takes a day off to kiss his wife fr'm house to house, an'
holds a meetin' iv his childher to bid thim good-by an' r-runs to hide
in a cave till th' dillygation raymimbers that they have husbands iv
their own an' goes home to cook th' supper.

   "A Mormon, Hinnissy, is a man that has th' bad taste an' th' rellijion
to do what a good manny other men ar-re restrained fr'm doin' be
conscientious scruples an' th' polis. I don't want anny wife; ye,
Hinnissy, ar-re satisfied, not to say con-tint, with wan; another la-ad
feels that he'd be lonesome without tin. 'Tis a matther iv disposition.
If iver I got started th' Lord on'y knows where I'd bring up. I might be
like me frind an' fellow-sultan, Hadji Mohammed. Hadji has wives to
burn, an' wanst in awhile he bur-rns wan. He has a betther job thin
Congressman."

   "Th' best a congressman can get is foorth-class postmasther an' a look
in at th' White House on visitin' day. But Hadji, th' pop'lar an'
iloquent sultan iv Sulu an' Bazeen iv th' Ohio iv th' Passyfic, owns his
own palace an' disthributes his own jobs. No man can hold th' office iv
bow-sthringer iv our impeeryal domain without a certy-ficate fr'm Hadji.
From th' highest office in th' land to th' lowest, fr'm th' chief
pizener to th' throne, to th' humblest ixicutioner that puts a lady in a
bag an' dumps her into th' lake in th' Nine Millionth Assimbly district
they look to Hadji Mohammed f'r their places. He is th' High Guy, th'
Main Thing. He's ivrybody. When he quits wurrk th' governmint is over
f'r th' day. An' does annywan thry to interfere with Hadji? Does annywan
say 'Hadji, ye'll have to abandon two or three hundherd iv ye 'er
firesides. Ye ar-re livin' jus' inside th' left field fince iv 

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